there's a saying that states "you can't love someone else until you love yourself." I call bullshit.
if i've loved myself for a while, then why am i still single? don't worry, this isn't a petty post. instead of "you can't love someone until you love yourself" i propose "you can't love someone else until you understand yourself."
in today's day and age, many relationships fail and this statement is used as an easy scapegoat. does that make it wrong? of course not. but i believe it is something much more complex than the lack of self love.
at the end of may last year, i walked out of my college's doors with no intention to go back. for a multitude of reasons (which i will not get into) i had the realization that college was not the best environment for me. though i had done some previously, i've spent this past year working endlessly to learn more about myself and the sources that my problems incite from. as a filmmaker, i've learned that there is always a reason behind a character's actions. this translates to reality as well. there is always a reason why a person does what they do, says what they say, and feels what they feel. i wouldn't necessarily say i've been soul-searching because that implies at one point my soul was lost and needed to be found. i've always known where my soul is. i just didn't know who it was. that sounds crazy, i know, but bear with me. perhaps call it "soul-dating" for lack of a better term.
at the beginning, all i knew was that my mental health was not great. and through following my path of triggers and then expanding from those, i was able to deduce that the main source revolves around my relationships. at the core of almost everything, i almost always came back to friendships: things that have been beaten, torn, forgotten, and abandoned.
it is through this "soul-dating" that i have been able to understand the causes of my depression, my anxiety, and my inability to trust. but of all of these, absolutely the most important thing i've been able to learn is the way someone can tell me that they love me.
so back to the main idea: "you can't love someone until you understand yourself." from the relationships i've had and the relationships i've witnessed, there is almost nothing more frustrating than someone repeatedly asking "how can i help?" and you can't give them an answer because you don't know what you need. it's like when you go to a job interview and they ask you where you see yourself in 5 years and you don't know where you see yourself next week. because of my journey, i now have answers to all those questions. well, maybe not all of them.
to anyone who has the time, i definitely encourage for you to go on a date or two with your soul. not only now do i know who it is, but i am at a much more peaceful state knowing how i can combat the harsh, avoid the worst, and embrace the good.
separate, specific posts will be made in the future about my "soul-dating"